Ep 8: Should I Care About... The Comparison Trap & Why It Gets So Much Louder in Summer
What this episode is about
This week on Should I Care? we (Sophie Griffiths & Ruthie Walmsley) go properly deep on the comparison trap, & why it gets so much louder in the summer. Sophie deletes Instagram the second she goes on holiday, because a sun lounger plus a scroll turns into "should I be running a birthday sale, should I have an ads funnel making me £1,000 a day while I'm away", & the spiral is easier to remove than to manage.
What we get into is that we're never comparing like for like.
We're holding our full messy reality up against someone else's highlight, & the thing that stings tells you what you actually want.
For Sophie it's money & financial security. For Ruthie it's time, & the people who seem to take the whole summer off with ease. Same trap, completely different wound, & knowing which one is yours changes what you do with it.
Key topics covered in this episode
In this episode:
Why the comparison spikes in summer, & the difference between being triggered by money & being triggered by time
The "proof it's possible" reframe (via Lucy Sheridan) for the accounts that wind you up
Why the thing that triggers you is usually pointing at what you actually want
How the goalposts moving, someone you look up to stepping back, quietly makes you doubt your own goals
Re-curating a feed that's slowly stopped serving you, & why nobody tells the hard story until it's safely behind them
meet your hosts
Sophie Griffiths
Sophie is obsessed with working with impatiently ambitious women who want to build a business based on connection and depth and refuse to accept they can’t work less and still earn big money.
A fast talking scaling strategist who teaches women to grow their businesses with ads, offer they are obsessed with and marketing that actually feels fun.
Over the last 9 years she’s grown the business alongside 2 high energy girls, a cavapoo dog who doesn’t understand personal space, an ADHD diagnosis & strong (positive) feelings about trashy TV (yes Off Campus..) & salted butter.
ruthie walmsley
Ruthie is a storytelling strategist and recovering English teacher ( and deputy headteacher) who helps women turn what they actually think into content people can’t stop reading.
One husband, one son, one ridiculous puppy called Bernie, an obsession with storytelling and a CV that includes some of the biggest names in the online business space.
Read the Podcast episode transcript
NOTE: This podcast was transcribed by an AI tool. Please forgive any typos or errors.
SIC Episode 8
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[00:00:00] Hello, and welcome to this week's episode of Should I Care?, with me, Sophie Griffiths
Ruthie: And me, Ruthie Walmsley
Sophie: How are you doing?
Ruthie: I'm doing really well. but I think we're gonna jump straight in this week, Soph, because we've got a lot of ground to cover. Why don't you tell people,the overarching question for this week's episode?
Sophie: I am literally so excited about this one. And it's taken us a little bit of time to be able to frame this question, because I think there is so much underneath it that it was quite hard to, like, pull out, . what is the thread here? And we ended up being able to do it because of an experience I have when I go on holiday.
So the overarching question we are asking today is, should I care that the comparison trap is stealing my summer? Oh,
Ruthie: you see?
Sophie: so juicy. And the reason why this came up for us and we decided to talk about it is because,we're recording this before I go on holiday, however, when you listen to it, I will have been away.
Now, I am going away with my family for a week. It's our, main family holiday for the year. I'm actually also turning 40 while [00:01:00] I'm there. Whoop-whoop. And I have learned, I've been, what, running my own business for, what, eight, nine years now, and I have learned over that time that there are certain things that I have to do to protect my peace while I'm on holiday.
Now, really obvious ones are, like, a few years ago, I managed to not take my laptop with me, and well done me. Then I started actually deleting my email app, deleting my Slack app, and actually, not responding to clients. But I was still finding that, I yes, I was away from clients, and yes, I was, , feeling rested, but I was still on Instagram.
And partly because , I use Instagram for personal stuff, I like browsing on Instagram, I have friends on Instagram, so it doesn't feel to me like a purely work app. However, what I realized was that it brings up all sorts of horrible comparison in me, and very specifically when I then can't action anything So normally might see something online and be like, "Oh, [00:02:00] that's a good idea. Oh, I could do that," or, "I'm gonna put it on my list," it's a bit of comparison, and I might feel a bit crap about myself. Like, but I would say I'm reasonably good at not being too comparison-y on Instagram. I've, trained myself. But when it gets me, I'm on a sun lounger, and I've committed to not working, and all I am thinking is, "Oh, that person's doing a birthday sale.
Oh, well, it's my birthday this week. Should I have done a birthday sale? Why? Oh, well, I could probably get a few emails. I could probably get Claude to write a few emails, and I could probably send them to Nicola, and she could probably get them into MailerLite Or I might see someone who's like, "Oh, I've just got back from holiday, and I made £1,000 every day while I was away from my incredible ads funnel." And I might be like, my God, I'm not earning £1,000 a day while I'm on holiday from my ads funnel. Maybe I should... Ooh, what could I do? Maybe I could see if I could sell something on ads." And honestly, my brain just then goes into overdrive, and it just creates massive comparison, I think, about whether I'm, am I doing it right?
Should I still be on Instagram while I'm on holiday? [00:03:00] I see other people putting stories on their Instagram when they're on holiday. Maybe they're less addicted to social media than I am. , Maybe I'm doing that wrong. So as you can hear, of spiraling that goes on, hence the rule that we now have in my family/with me is that I delete Instagram when I go on holiday because the
Ruthie: Yeah
Sophie: just opens up too much for me to be able to cope with
Ruthie: How do you feel? Do you feel itchy at all when you're not on Instagram, or do you actually just feel, super relieved that it's gone?
Sophie: So I would say like the first 24 hours I feel ... It's not that I feel itchy I want to be on Instagram, but what I will notice is that moments of uncomfortableness, i.e., if I'm bored or if I'm like, 'cause we are doing like a six-hour drive to get where we're going. Yeah, so it's gonna be really hard for me not to be on Instagram because normally I would be on Instagram.
I'd maybe create a few posts. I'd be really efficient. So if we have any long journeys I'm often like, "Oh, I can write that email. I can respond to that DM that I haven't gone back to." moments where it feels uncomfortable for me is that I [00:04:00] use Instagram and the dopamine from it to get myself through boring bits.
so that will feel really uncomfortable, and I will do weird shit like check the weather app loads or check my personal emails, or I will try and find
Ruthie: Yeah
Sophie: check WhatsApp an extraordinary amount of times.
Ruthie: They call it dopamining, don't they? Where you go mining for dopamine
Sophie: that is literally exactly what I'm doing.
Ruthie: I, so I've
Sophie: That probably for the first 24 hours or so will feel really uncomfortable. Then I will really get into it, and I will love being off Instagram, and I will probably end up finding it quite hard to come back on because I will get to a point where I'm like, "Oh, this is actually really lovely." "Oh, there's just no noise.
Like, how
that's I'm at
Ruthie: Yeah
Sophie: do you do? Do you delete Instagram when you go
Ruthie: No, I don't. And, but that's not to say that I don't feel the same about the comparison trap. And, I think summer's one of those [00:05:00] times where it kind of peaks, because
Sophie: Agreed
Ruthie: lots of people sharing how they approach the summer, whether summer's a good time for them financially, whether they take loads of time off.
For me, the bit that triggers me, if you like, or the trap that I get into is less about, comparison when it comes to the money that people are making, and more comparison about the time that they're able to take. And I think that's born from the fact that when I decided to move out of education and into my own business, it was a choice I was making based on what I wanted my day-to-day life to look like.
So I wanted to be able to be super present in my little boy's life. I wanted to be able to enjoy the weekends, because at the time, all of my weekends were spent marking and planning and catching up on the stuff that I hadn't had chance to do because I was teaching. And so I think the reason why I'm not pulled into comparison so much with people's financials, but I am when I see that they're taking, really long restful breaks, or they are spending [00:06:00] loads of time with their children.
now I do spend loads of time with Wilf in the summer, and I'm really lucky. if I compare my life now to my life previously, I'm really lucky with the amount of time I spend with him. I am incredibly present for all things to do with his school life and all that sort of stuff. But when I see people taking the whole summer off, not my ex-teacher friends, my online business comparison, I'm like, "I should do that.
I should do that." That's the one that gets me a little bit. If I see people spending loads of time with their kids, despite the fact that I do spend loads of time with Wilf in the summer, I'm balancing it. today, it's my husband's day off, so he's spending loads of time with Wilf, and I will work a really long day.
So I will try and get loads of work done today. they're the ones that get me. That is the one, in the summer specifically and at Christmastime, it gets me where I'm thinking, "I should be spending more time with my family." they're the triggers for me specifically in the summer. So I don't delete Instagram because when I'm on holiday, I feel like I'm really spending quality time with my family, so it doesn't trigger me as [00:07:00] much.
I'm like, "Yeah, that's fine. Look at me. I'm on, a 10-day holiday, so I'm winning at life." but I do have to delete Slack, and I do have to delete my work email because what I then do, which is so unhealthy if I don't do it, is I read them but don't action them. So then I just carry them around with me for the entirety of my holiday, having to try putting them back on unread, but, I already know...
awful. Awful.
Actually, on my last holiday, we were changing the way we were working together because you were closing one of your offers.
Sophie: Oh, Yeah, Yeah,
Ruthie: And I don't know why I did this, but normally I delete it all in the car on the way to the airport, 'cause I'm like, "Right, that's my official sign-off point."
I didn't. I then forgot. Got to the airport on the other side. So we'd landed in, I wanna say Fuerteventura, and I went for a wee, right? You know when you get to luggage claim. I was like, "Right, I'm going for a wee. The boys will get the bags." Went for a wee. Listened to your Slack voice note, at which the start of it you said, "Don't listen to this on [00:08:00] holiday.
It's not important. We can chat when you're back." But I listened to it whilst having a wee in the holiday airport, and then was just like, couldn't do anything about it. Wasn't the right time to be having a chat with you while I was in an airport. so then. I was just like, "What am I doing?"
So I need to remember this year. And it wasn't there was anything bad, it's just like I was carrying that then and I was thinking, I must remember." and you can't help your thoughts branching off, can you? And start thinking about things and thinking, "Right, okay, maybe I'll do this instead or..."
So yeah, I definitely delete Slack. I definitely delete my work emails. but also, I have a personal Instagram account and a work Instagram account, and my feeds for those two things are very different. So I just don't go on my First Person Narrative account unless I particularly feel like I want to.
And I stay in my personal account, which is all like, supermarket recommendations, and books that I should be reading, and,announcements about Taylor Swift. That's what's in my personal feed. So that's the safety there. I think part of me working in social, I really curate my feed.
[00:09:00] So yeah, I can switch one off if I don't wanna be on it.
Sophie: yeah
and I think all that is super, sensible. And the Sophie of three years ago who, like you said, did exactly what you said, opened things, tried not to reply, had my out of office on, but just wanted to keep an eye on everything, that was that real just needing to keep a- an overview on everything. I, look back and, I don't think, "Oh, that's such a shame. She should've just switched off," because at the time I just wasn't in the place where that felt safe for me to do. and there was all sorts going on underneath that, and I'm really pleased I'm not there anymore. I do still struggle with, if I have time off when I'm at So I'm gonna have a week off this summer, when we move, in August at some point when it's finally confirmed. so I will just be at home for the week. Now that I find really hard because I'm now much better, like you say, on the way to the airport it feels like a sort of routine.
I'm like, "Right, I'm deleting everything. Everyone knows I'm away. I'm gonna switch it all off. It's all gone." But when I'm at home for a week, that feels really hard to not do that. but, I guess the bigger [00:10:00] picture of what we wanna talk about here is what you're comparing yourself. So when you say "Oh, people have the whole summer off," and for me when I'm like, "Oh, they're making 1,000 pounds a day," or whatever it is we're comparing our reality what they're projecting on Instagram,
Ruthie: Yes
Sophie: And I think in summer this becomes really exaggerated because it's like, "Oh my God. Look. Yeah, they're spending their whole day. They've had an incredible day out with their kids, and I've been here working all day." the reality is they might work until midnight or 2:00 AM to get then things done, and I've had clients who have done that.
, they will literally start work at 10 o'clock at night and work through until 2:00 AM. I couldn't do that because physically that's just not me. But just think it's really hard to, in any season, I do think summer exacerbates it a bit, look at someone's doing and really know is that what they're doing.
And we all talk about like the Instagram gloss, and I'm not really saying that anyone should have to share everything about their life because I just think that's just not the reality and like I don't wanna
Ruthie: No
Sophie: everything about my life, and I don't wanna [00:11:00] share every time I work late and every time it's a bit rubbish.
But also, I think the summer somehow brings out in us this feeling of wanting to share the best bits, the fun bits, the great bits. And it can feel hard, even if you're doing the same thing, 'cause I do it as well,
Ruthie: Yeah
Sophie: accept that that is not their full reality
Ruthie: Totally. It's like we know in theory, we know we're getting a highlights reel even when people are really quite candid online, of which, both of us are. You're still getting a slightly polished, a slightly curated version of what is the truth. sometimes, I'll think, "I'm gonna have a day where I'm gonna share loads on stories," but, I'm not sharing everything because I sometimes don't want even my clients to perceive that my day's a bit chaotic.
I don't want them to be counting, hang on. maybe she should've spent longer on my work today." I don't want to call into question the work that I'm doing, or I don't want people to think, "Oh my God, she's a messy bitch." Like,
Sophie: Yeah,
Ruthie: know, so we're [00:12:00] not constantly sharing all of it. I think what is really hard online is that we have, these waves, and I think everyone's is different.
My feed will look different to yours, will look different to the next person's. We've all got, a slightly different version of reality that's been shown to us through whatever the algorithm is showing us. But when I came into this space, six, seven years ago, it was like everyone was living in Bali, right?
Success looked like, being a digital nomad in Bali, often with one of those, really big sun hats, doing a little bit of work with,like an iced coffee. This was ... They were sitting somewhere in, a really sort of bohemian style cafe, and it was really appealing. I was like, "God, what a life," you know?
But for me, that felt really far away 'cause I was like, "Well, I'm a mum. my husband's job is here. So unless I'm planning on going on a solo adventure, which I'm not, this is not realistic for my life." But now we're getting more realities presented to us, different realities. I think because some of them are now a bit [00:13:00] closer to us, they're, like, more attainable for more people, you can start to feel like- maybe I'm doing this wrong then.
Maybe my version of this is not right. Because if I see someone, for example... and actually, as I'm talking this through, Soph, I think I might be having some sort of, epiphany. But obviously, everything I'm talking about is to do with time. I'm hardly ever triggered with money, because I feel like - I've got an element of control over that.
I can work harder, or I can do more, or I can try different things. But I find myself feeling like a letdown, feeling like I'm failing when I see people taking more lunches, meeting more friends, taking advantage of the flexibility that having your own business can offer. like I'm someone who still feels guilty if I go and get my nails done on a workday.
or in the daytime I'm like, ", Oh, God, I can't tell my clients that I'm getting my nails done, 'cause they're gonna think that's inefficient, and that I should be doing..." I don't think I've got a single client who would think that. I don't think they'd give a shit. But I perceive it [00:14:00] that way.
And so then when I see other people seemingly doing that with ease, showing that they're living this real kind of ebb and flow of business and work and, "Oh, yeah, I went for a wild swim this morning at lunch," or, I took an early finish so that I could spend the day in the park," I'm like, "Oh, my God, I'm failing.
I'm doing a shit job." Because actually, what I'm doing today is working a 12-hour day just so that I can have tomorrow off with my little boy, and Wednesday off as well. And so, yeah, I think that's what I struggle with, is when I feel like I'm doing it wrong because other people are showing that they're doing it right, even though we don't really know if they are
Sophie: Yeah And also, I guess it's that, what is right, isn't it? And it's I guess probably, and I know this, from all of my therapy, the things that trigger us are often the things that we really want or that we really aspire to, and that we, don't feel like we can have for
Ruthie: Yeah
Sophie: Mine is a bit of time. Mine's not guilt though. I don't really feel guilty if I go and get my hair done, nails
Ruthie: Do you?
Sophie: No, I don't. I actually have to say, I think maybe I'm a psychopath. I don't really feel [00:15:00] guilt generally as a prevailing emotion.
No. And like that's not emotion I would say I feel that much. I don't really feel mom guilt. I don't really feel guilt about not doing work. I
Ruthie: Okay, I think you're a psychic
Sophie: I think I'm a psychopath. I actually think maybe I am. Maybe I should feel more guilt. note to self. Yeah, guilt has never been something I massively struggle with.
but
Ruthie: That's so interesting
Sophie: Isn't it? I know. And I haven't ever really spoken about it online because, mom guilt is ... Ah, it's talked about so much, and I just don't really feel it.
Ruthie: No. Okay. But that's, super interesting. So what would you say, when you're feeling comparison, what's your overriding feeling when you are feeling that?
Sophie: So I'm feeling like I'm behind or I'm not doing enough. It's
Ruthie: Achievement
Sophie: Yeah, achievement. It, really taps into my, high achiever eldest daughter wound
I'm only really valuable when I'm achieving. for people to love me, I have to be productive. it really is like that, as I'm getting, my first class degree in , my graduate [00:16:00] corporate career and, I have really struggled - in the online business world for what that, marker is.
Ruthie: And, obviously the reality is there isn't a marker, but my self-worth is still very much linked to how much money I make. I definitely feel that too, that achievement, like we were brought up to be high achievers. And I think,
Sophie: My mum and dad were super chuffed when we were , showing that we were working hard, showing that we were top of the class, that sort of vibe.
Ruthie: Not in a horrible way. I had a lovely time doing it. But I definitely feel that too. But yeah, I think... I feel comparison most when I think that people have got a better balance than me, . i've got this overarching fear of, not living enough of my life. Sorry to get deep, callers.
Sophie: I know, guys. Yeah.
Ruthie: didn't mean this. but yeah, I have this overarching fear of, waking up and having not enjoyed enough of my life. Of just, being stuck in the monotony of,housework and doing the washing, and, getting jobs done. I think jobs can just make you so busy, and I just have this overarching fear of, "Oh my [00:17:00] God, I'm gonna wake up tomorrow, and I'm gonna be 90, hopefully, and I'm gonna think, ' coulda done this.'"
I think, I lost my mum, and I think , when you lose somebody really important to you, my experience of that is that it makes you think, "Shit," you know, we could lose everything in a minute. And so,what's really important?
and it's partly why I left education, 'cause I'm like, no one's gonna write on my gravestone, "Always marked her books on time."
"Delivered outstanding lessons on the regular." that's not genuinely what's important. So the things that make me feel comparison are always along that line of, experiences and, I desperately wanna do a business class flight for my family, but mostly because I think what an amazing, cool experience to, to do together.
So yeah, I'm definitely feel comparison more when I feel like people are living life better than I am, doing more
Sophie: Yeah. I totally get that, and it's so fascinating, isn't it? 'Cause as you were talking, I think , my overriding fear is financial security.
Ruthie: not that I want more money because I wanna be rich or [00:18:00] famous or, I just am, like, really greedy and I just want all the money. I, think when I was growing up, my dad got made redundant. He worked in the city, and His whole job was really unstable. I mean, he earned a lot of money, but got made redundant quite a few times in quite a short period of time. then when I was at British Airways and I had this really stable job, British Airways is an ex-government company, so it has insane things, like they have to give you, six months notice
Yeah
Sophie: And so I always felt really secure when I had my corporate job, really secure. And then I got made redundant from that job while I was on mat leave, I know. And , I can't tell you, I mean, this was, like, what? Nearly nine years ago now, and I still sometimes get emotional about it when I talk about it, and I've had so much therapy on it. I've done so much mindset work on it. But having to then build up my business, it took me such a long time to start making money in my business.
I found it so hard to make money that I feel like I'm constantly striving to feel like I have financial security. and
Ruthie: Yeah
Sophie: honesty, a bit like with you, right? There is a bit of reality in there. [00:19:00] because I was made redundant, it took me a long time to then build up and, start earning money again.
we used all our savings. I didn't pay consistently into my pension for a really long time. , We're not,, as far on in, the property market as most of my friends. we haven't got, the family house that we wanted because, our financials have taken such a hit from me.
Ruthie: Hi
Sophie: 'Cause when I went on mat leave, before I got made redundant, my husband and I were 50/50
Ruthie: Yeah
Sophie: who brought in how much money. And like, wiping me out for, three to four years , was brutal on our finances. absolutely brutal. So although I'm doing really well now, I think I definitely still have that wound, note to self, will bring that up with my therapist this week, - feeling like I'm kinda catching up.
And I think there is a reality to that too. although, yes, okay, my revenue now is good, and my salary now is good, I've got a huge pot to backfill for me to genuinely feel financially secure. and I think that's why probably the money triggers me online when I see other people earning money or other people having big [00:20:00] months or other people, yeah, earning.
I also think the flip of that is I know a lot of certainty that I don't want to do it in a way. Although revenue and money is a big driver for me in feeling financially secure, I don't want to burn myself out doing it.
Ruthie: Mm-hmm. often, I feel like I'm pulled
Sophie: between pillar and post.
Ruthie: yeah
Sophie: I feel like I'm being dragged between, just make money, make money, make money, get financially secure, start paying into your pension again, build up savings. Then the other way is but make sure you go to your gym class and do your vitamins and have your electrolytes.
like, yeah, but I ... Oh, how, can I have both? How do I have both? This feels like I'm really juggling something that's really quite hard to navigate here. Also, with two young children who have additional needs
It is insane, and this is what I think is really, refreshing to talk about. Because actually, I was thinking even as you were talking, I haven't paid consistently into my pension since I left education. I'm getting better at it, but I certainly haven't been consistent, and certainly not at the level that I would've been paying in,No
Ruthie: in education [00:21:00] or if you're in a corporate job.
we hear... God, there's so much financial stuff now as well, isn't there? I don't know if it's just my feed, but it's "I've invested such and such a month in a such and such account, which means that when my child turns 18, they're gonna be a millionaire." And I'm like, "Fuck, I have not done that."
Even just this weekend, I was like, "I'm opening wealth in ISA. I'm gonna open him another ISA.. Yeah, I'm on this train." and I am sometimes, if I don't watch myself, I am literally, ragdolling my way through the internet of like, yes, I'm gonna build a complete Claude AI ecosystem that means I don't have to be in my business.
Yes, I'm gonna open a homestead. I'm gonna start making jam. I'm gonna I'm gonna be a trad wife. And then... Not, politically not,
Sophie: of homestead. and then, oh no, I'm gonna try and have a six-figure month. . And it's so hard to, hold on to what are the things that are important to me, because we are just, like, shown these snapshots of different lives that we could be living.
Ruthie: It's so difficult to [00:22:00] think, what actually is important to me all the time. what is important, what's important to me? It's really hard to hold that core belief when so many appealing and attractive mini stories are being shown to us. I found myself recently saying 2027 is gonna be my year of financial, abundance, security.
I'm gonna tidy up everything. I'm gonna, invest. I'm gonna learn how... And I'm already saying this, and we're like month seven in 2026. I'm already decided that whilst I haven't got the brain space for that right now, what I can do is make it my 2027 thing. It's just really hard to stay focused, and I think this wellness stuff at the minute I actually find really intense.
Because I'm like, "Shit, have I moved enough? Have I drank enough? Am I... Should I be taking collagen? Should I be at my desk, but also on a walking pad?" and it makes me feel dizzy. I can't do it, Sophie
Sophie: Oh the walking pad. Honestly, I've I've almost bought one so many times. The
Ruthie: Content
Sophie: I don't [00:23:00] understand how people walk and type at the same time. There's
Ruthie: It might be
Sophie: no way I could do it. There's no way I could think properly and do it. So the only time I think I could probably do it is maybe I could do it while I was on a call potentially.
I definitely couldn't do it while I was typing.
Ruthie: No
Sophie: I'm like, someone's just gonna watch me, , walking, rocking. I don't know. The whole thing confuses me. Yeah, exactly. I get a bit out of breath
Ruthie: i've got like a standing desk. So I've got this thing that sits on top of my desk. It's so ugly as well. and I promised myself that , whenever I was on a call, I was gonna stand instead of sitting. But it just makes me feel like a bit motion sick. I just feel a bit, not as stable, and I feel like I do my best thinking sat down.
Sophie: So I hardly ever use my standing desk, but that was just another thing that I bought into 'cause everyone was saying stop sitting down. And I know being sedentary is bad for you. Yeah
Ruthie: but yeah, it's really hard to balance everything
Sophie: I think that's it, isn't it? I'm totally bought into that. I think probably 'cause we are midlife women
Ruthie: Yes
Sophie: and I think our feeds , they're really feeding us the midlife stuff.
Ruthie: And also [00:24:00] most of my clients, are of a similar age-ish. so I think we're all talking about it, we're all feeling it.
Sophie: And I do think we are, you know, we talk about the sandwich generation, don't we? Of young kids, older parents. But I also think we are hitting age of where we need to be looking after ourselves more and thinking about ourselves more during this shambles of like, , young children,, older parents.
Ruthie: Yeah
Sophie: I just think, it's so much to keep on top of. And I know we've talked about this before, I love going to my gym classes. I love doing my strength training. I love trying to go for a walk with dog. They really ground me in. They really support me in my business.
They have really helped me not get burnt out while I've been growing the business and , I love doing them and I do share about it online and this is I think what is a challenge, right? we don't want the comparison because it feels hard when people are talking about stuff that we really want.
Ruthie: Yeah
Sophie: I do feel really inspired sometimes and it's such a me thing. Like, I'm the problem here. It's me. Hi.
Ruthie: Hi
Sophie: it's me. ... It's not that people are posting about their amazing gym routines and that is the problem, [00:25:00] that I am comparing my full life to their Instagram highlight and thinking, "Oh, if she can go to the gym three times a week, why am I only going once? that's not very good. I should be doing better. I should be doing more." When the reality is that so often I have seen other people doing stuff on Instagram and been really inspired when I'm in the right head space. It's
How I come to it, not I think what anyone else is posting
Ruthie: Yeah. And I think, there are certain times in the year, aren't there, where you're feeling a little bit more tender about
Sophie: Yeah
Ruthie: certain things. I find wellness content in January really hard to stomach, because normally I'm just completely overindulged at Christmas, and it's like everyone's getting back on this wagon, and I feel like a lot of not enough-ness when I see other people that are on,day 20 of some sort of shred or, hard 70 or whatever they are.
and so I think there are different pinch points in the year where you feel like other people are doing it better than you. And I hear so many women with this feeling of [00:26:00] "I'm doing it wrong. I must be doing it wrong because other people seem to be doing it right." And actually, I was thinking, when you were talking about, financial security and stuff- and, what happened with your dad being made redundant and you being made redundant, I think probably the reason why I perhaps don't feel that is, my dad came from super humble beginnings. he used to live in a double-decker bus. and went on to be incredibly successful in his career, and actually reinvented himself a number of times in that process and, changed industries and worked in Formula 1 at one point, but then was in, waterworks at another point.
So I really believe that I can make it work. I can make this work if I needed to change again. I think going from education and building something myself has really given me the confidence to think I can do that. I could do it again if I needed to.
Ruthie: If, everything went kaput for whatever reason, I believe that I could do it again or I could change and pivot and do it again. I just think it's interesting how much, like you say, , what we're holding and what we're coming with completely changes the way that we receive things.
And often it's [00:27:00] not that people are being boastful per se, they're sharing their version of what's real for them at that moment most of the time. But what we are carrying with us can be the thing that makes us feel like, ugh. And I just think summer's one of those moments where you just, look at even, like, just people's holiday photos and stuff can be really intense, can't it?
Sometimes I just wanna ask, "Sorry, can you just give, some specifics as to how you're affording this?"
Sophie: Yeah
Yeah
I can tell you mine's a credit card. Yeah
Ruthie: but if you could just delve a little deeper as to how you've afforded this seven-month holiday
Sophie: Yeah. And I think there's so much to unpick, isn't there? Because, it absolutely is your history and your experiences that, shape so much of this. Because you're right, I made redundant, it wasn't my choice, and for the first few years, honestly, I felt hugely resentful. Like hugely resentful.
I did not wanna work for myself. I've never wanted to work for myself. That was never, something I aspired to. I wanted the corporate job. I wanted [00:28:00] the, kudos, I wanted the title, I wanted to be part of the big organization. It was 100% me. And I didn't go back to corporate because we couldn't make it work , you know, part-time, at senior roles, wasn't really a thing.
I mean, it wasn't even that long ago, but it was very different.
You know, home working wasn't really a thing. Zoom wasn't really a thing. Was so different. And so I basically was like, "Okay, fine. I will make myself available to be the primary carer, and then I will work around her everything."
And it actually got to a point probably, I think it was like 2022, around that time it was about three or four years in, where I had to make a really conscious decision about actually going all in on the business and not feeling resentful. And like at some point I'm gonna go back to a corporate job and I'm just really treading water here.
Ruthie: Yeah
Sophie: , I had to say, "I'm actually doing this for me. I'm not just doing this to be available for my family."
Ruthie: Yes, this is what I want, not just what the family needs
Sophie: Exactly, this is actually what I want. And then once I started committing to that, it did make a huge difference. at one point I applied for a job at easyJet, and I was down to the last [00:29:00] two, and I didn't get it. And I still, you know, you still look back, don't you? It's like one of those weird sliding doors moments of yeah, if I'd have got that job, how different my life would be right now. And , it's so interesting. But I think it's one of those things where have to really think about, how you're receiving things as you're seeing it presented to you, as much as like what's kinda gone on in your background as well
Ruthie: Do you think anyone looks at your socials, I'm asking myself this question at the same time, looks at your socials and feels the feelings that we're talking about? Do you think people look at yours and think, "Oh," you know, and are- comparing themselves to you?
Sophie: Oh, yeah, like 100%. people tell me that they don't like looking at my social media, and this is why I think it's really interesting, and this is why I always really try and remind myself, because when I talk about money, so I talk about how much I, spend each month. So I do often do, a reel where I'll talk about how much I spent in the previous month. I will also say things like, "As someone who earned 270,000 last year," [00:30:00] or, I think I've done one a few weeks ago where I talked about how I've made 193K so far this year, something like that.
Ruthie: And people generally I'd say are really nice about them, but I would always get a few barbed comments.
Sophie: I would always get comments like, "I can't even imagine , having that amount of money. , How much must you be earning to be able to spend that?" Or, can't believe you think that ,, amount of money's not enough."
and I found it really uncomfortable to begin with. I also know people who DM me and say, I wanna work with you 'cause I want your lifestyle. I wanna work with you 'cause it's so inspiring seeing how much you have earned. it's so
Ruthie: No
Sophie: that you are talking about money openly and you're not hiding it behind smoke and mirrors.
It's so I want what you've got, and I wanna work with you to get it." So I think that's what's helpful, is that you think, for every person that's feeling triggered by this someone else who's feeling inspired by it
Ruthie: Yeah. Yeah, and it's like in the same breath of, all the stuff that I say I feel comparison around, I also feel inspired by. if I think of some of the things that I've done in my business or when I do sometimes give [00:31:00] myself permission to, whatever it is, go and get my nails done or actually this year, I had to do so much convincing of myself that it was okay for me to go for a swim at 9:00 AM.
I'm just Stockholm syndrome. I was used to having my entire day mapped out by a timetable that someone else had designed. So it's taken me until this year, and even now I still sometimes I'm like, "Oh, have I got time today?" Because in my head, 9:00 till 5:00 are the hours you work. And then me choosing to swim at nine o'clock, 'cause that's the time the pool has that swim on, takes me a minute all the time.
But actually if I think about it, probably the way that I can trace that back to being something I did give myself permission for will have been something I saw online probably, will have been someone else who's got like a really good balance and seems to be feeding it into their day and has that kind of give and take of work and personal that seems to blend really well.
So it is inspiring as it is comparison. My client Lucy, she actually for a [00:32:00] while was known as the comparison coach and
Sophie: She was,
yes
Ruthie: And that was like, she was on Oprah talking about it.
Sophie: God,
Ruthie: on Zoom on Oprah. Um, what she used to teach, and still does, and I found this so empowering, was to think of them as a PIP, which is your proof it's possible.
So when you feel like someone is pulling at that string of "Oh my God, I'm a bit jealous of that," or "Why can't I afford to do a business class flight yet?" Or, "Why are they having these amazing income months or spending loads of time with their family?" Instead to reframe it as like, but it's proof it's possible.
It's proof that the things that you are jealous of or feeling comparison over are possible, and to have them as this PIP instead, of like this person that you can... And obviously some people, it goes the other way, doesn't it? And it's a bit toxic, and you can feel it. You can sometimes feel yourself following someone like, "This is not good for me.
This does not bring out the best version of myself." But I think sometimes there are people that are offering you the vision of what could be [00:33:00] possible for you too, and I love that framing of proof it's possible. I think that's a lovely way of looking at it
Sophie: Yeah, I love that as well. And I think that's the thing. That's the people that are inspired, right? They're like, "Oh my God, if you can do it, I can do it too." And I really try and say that all the time. honestly, guys, if I can do it, there really isn't anything uniquely special about me. there really isn't.
if I can do it, you absolutely can too. and I want that to be where my kind of content sits and how I speak to people. But I also know that , everyone brings with it their own stuff, right? Like you say, you might see my post about revenue and not feel triggered at all because that's not where you're coming at it from.
Whereas you might see, me posting about, I don't know, whatever, working three days over the summer, and be like, "That feels really hard to take. I can't believe she's still gonna earn that money and only work three days," because it's the
Ruthie: Totally.
Sophie: thing
Ruthie: It's not the money in isolation. I find the money that you earn really inspiring because I know enough about you and the, way that you live your life, and the other demands that you have on your time. And, so , like you feel really relevant to me in [00:34:00] terms of how many hours you wanna spend in your business, that you've got children, that you wanna spend time with them.
All of that sort of stuff makes your money interesting to me 'cause I'm like, "Okay, that is proof it's possible. That is proof that I don't have to have this big team and, this huge operation to be able to earn income that could feel really exciting to earn." but yeah, it is definitely the sort of, , the living of life that I find that I get stuck in comparison with.
What else triggers you online? what else are you like, "Ooh, that made me wanna do that more"?
that's a really good question. most of it, , if I feel like, "Oh, I wanna do that," I generally will have a look and be like, why am I not?"
Ruthie: So things like going on retreats, that was a big one for me. So seeing people away at retreats, away having fun, and being like, "Oh, I can't really doing that."
Sophie: And then being like, why can't I do that? Like, why not?"
Ruthie: Yeah
Sophie: yeah, I have to say, like revenue money for me is probably the biggest one. I think the other one is- I think it's this thing [00:35:00] about not ... if we just go back to, getting the nails done,
Ruthie: Yeah.
Sophie: wouldn't feel guilty about that at all. however, I'd feel quite anxious about it.
Ruthie: Ooh
Sophie: yeah, the anxiety would be, I'm gonna have so much to do when I get back, or, okay, so I can take the time out now, but I always feel like I have to pay it back.
Ruthie: Yeah
Sophie: enough buffer in my week. So basically, I can do the work that I have to do in the hours I have in a week, I don't have enough buffer that I could, , just go and do a random, get my nails done on a Tuesday.
Ruthie: And therefore I would feel anxious, and then I would then be like, "Okay, I'll have to do the hour or whatever tonight to make sure that I've done everything I need to do." And then it would be like, oh, now I feel like I'm not living to my boundaries, 'cause my boundaries are that I should really stop at 4:30. That's when I want to stop, is 4:30. But now I'm not stopping at 4:30, so now I feel like I'm not having that integrity because I say that I try and stop at 4:30, but I'm not.
Sophie: I'm working in the evening. And what does that say about [00:36:00] me? So , I think I find it hard when people show the positives. And again, yes, we talked about it's great for them. They do it. Show the inspiration. But then when there's not that flip side of people don't show the harder bits, like the harder seasons, where actually, if you want to get a new offer out, then you probably, you might need to work some evenings and weekends if you don't have enough buffer in your week. And I find that quite hard. I feel like, oh, I'm Well, not, failing's not quite the right word. But, I feel like that comparison around, , why don't I have enough buffer to be able to, do these things that other people seem to be able to do? , I am getting better at it. I haven't worked in the business for, nearly 10 weeks now on a Friday. but that has
Ruthie: That's so good.
Sophie: on my other four days.
Ruthie: Yeah
Sophie: has. And even, my husband has commented on it and been like, "You're definitely working after 4:30." I was like, "I know. I know I am." And at the moment, the payoff that I want to have, [00:37:00] but it's not gonna be sustainable long term.
So , what I'm working on though is not giving up the Friday, but trying to work out , what's spilling over the rest of the week that I can either delegate or outsource or stop doing
Ruthie: Yeah. You see ,I think I mentioned this in another episode, I told myself at the beginning of the year that I was gonna have Fridays as a day either to do nice things so that I could, do my nail appointment on a Friday without feeling guilty, or I could work on my business just thinking about first-person narrative.
Because obviously the trap with, done-for-you services is that they are the priority. And so sometimes I can fill my entire week with client work, and then I haven't done anything to move my business forward as I want to. so I think yeah, I folded like a house of cards and haven't done that, even though it's still completely blocked out in my diary.
And the appointment that I block out is first-person narrative, protect at all costs. And then what is a load of appointments and time blocking to work on client work. So I'm just like, "Oh, what the fuck?" I'm ... So I just felt like a house of cards, but I think, [00:38:00] yeah, it's really interesting again to hear you, useful as well to hear you talk about the fact that, yes, you are having Fridays off, but the cost is that it's extended your other days.
And I think what we so often see is, especially at the minute, I think AI has contributed to this, The only good things are the things that are easy. I feel everything has to be easy, otherwise you feel like you're not doing it quite right. oh my God, it took you a while to write a sales page.
Why aren't you using this prompt? Why haven't you used this piece of software? And so I find that quite exhausting actually, because if you're not in a position to have all of these incredible automations set up, or actually if that's not the way you want to run your business, if you actually quite like having client contact, you quite like having a little chat with people, then it can quite easily start to become like
You feel behind or that you're not keeping up with the way that people are doing things anymore. So it is useful to hear other people talk about things sometimes feeling a bit sticky or feeling a bit hard when there isn't a solution. 'Cause, what we often hear is, [00:39:00] "I was doing
Sophie: Yes
Ruthie: but now I do this and this, and I can teach you how to do it in my X, Y, Z."
So we hear that there was a problem, that they have experienced what you're experiencing, and here's a solution. I love it when I can hear people ... And I think that's why these little miniseries are performing so well at the minute, where people are like, "Right, I'm gonna try and build this. Come with me as I do it."
That can really relieve some of that intense comparison because you're like, "Okay, they haven't found the solution yet. They're just trying to get there." And that can be, , refreshing, 'cause so much online right now seems just, easy. "I built 17 funnels in a day with three prompts that are gonna change your life
Sophie: Yeah
I saw a post the other day and it was a really, it was a really great post and She basically walks you through her day and at each point there was, like an AI agent. So it's Larissa then gives me my lead magnet ideas and then, Polly then edits the podcast and then, Sophie then schedules the social media. it was like, it was really interesting and like hundreds and hundreds [00:40:00] if not thousands of people had signed up for whatever it was that was, the ManyChat prompt to get whatever. I don't even know if it was free or paid,
but I was just like, sounds great, doesn't it? It sounds like it's gonna save you so much time, and I absolutely, I'm sure it would do. But there's also a huge amount of time and energy that you would have to put in to creating all of that, and I think that's really not acknowledged in a lot of these AI things.
And sometimes the speed of things , it's not the only factor, is it, guys? sometimes it's nice to actually respond to your clients yourself ... And don't get me wrong,, I like AI, I like using AI, I
Ruthie: Me too
Sophie: being a shortcut, but I do agree that I think that we're sort of fetishizing a little bit here of "Oh, I used AI and I've cut out like 20 hours of my business and so now I can just do whatever I want."
that is great, but I don't know. , Maybe I'm jealous because I haven't done it, and maybe I feel like I should. I don't know. But there's
Ruthie: I think sometimes I'm jealous. I think it's a hard thing to admit, isn't it? But sometimes I see stuff online and I'm saying comparison, but what I'm actually feeling is jealousy. I'm like,
Sophie: Yeah
Ruthie: that. I want 20 hours back in my week. I [00:41:00] want, parts of my day to feel lighter." And it's not to say that I'm not having a lovely time doing what I'm doing, but it's hard not to be in the I want mentality when
It's almost like you're having so many prizes laid out in front of you. do you want 30,000 pound weeks, or do you want to have, 12 weeks holiday over the summer? we've been given,
like, you know, on, , Generation Game.
Sophie: Yeah.
Ruthie: Sorry,
Sophie: Yes
Ruthie: of a millennial reference, but where there was like the conveyor belt with all these prizes.
It's like, and here's a microwave and a cuddly toy. I feel like that's what social media can feel like, where you've got all of these different versions of what people's lives are like and you're trying to think, "Oh, God." Like, at the minute I'm getting shown a lot of people building their own swimming pools, because it's been hot.
So because it's been hot, I'm getting a lot of people building, really gorgeous little swimming pools and I'm like, "God, it'd be great to have a swimming pool, wouldn't it?" Never in my life have I thought that until this point. if you could see the size of our garden, Sophie, if we had even a hot tub in it, it would be [00:42:00] overwhelming.
but I'm like, "Yeah, no, that would be great. God, what a life you'd be living if you..." I've just been shown a prize that I didn't necessarily want, but now I partially think I want because it was laid in front of me and looked super aspirational. And it is really hard to not be tempted by this conveyor belt and only pick up the things that you want.
And actually, when I was having, when I was having therapy, she talked about, it was in relation to anxious thoughts, but she talked about the sushi conveyor belts where the different meals go past, and actually, the, that our thoughts are all just different dishes and we can choose which ones we pick up and eat, and we can choose which ones we just let drift past us.
And I was thinking, just as I was talking about social,you have to adopt that mentality, don't you? "Okay, I'm just gonna let that breeze past me. That one's not for me. I don't have to pick up every solution and prize that's offered for me and make it my own. they don't all have to be my goals.
Other people's goals can just be their goals."
Sophie: Yeah Good for you, not good for me.
Ruthie: yeah, I do agree. I think, when I did Scaling Unwrapped in, December [00:43:00] last year, and I did six episodes of the podcast, and I took everyone through, the four quarters of the year what had happened in each ones, and, the things that had gone really well, and basically how I'd grown the business quite substantially over the year.
Sophie: And I think one of the, most interesting/hardest ones was the quarter three last year, where I did quite a big launch, and it really didn't go to plan. I just didn't get as many signups as I wanted. And it was, like, for all sorts of various reasons I went into, and I was really honest about it. And, people still talk to me about Scaling Unwrapped now. they talk so much about how honest I was. And I mean, very, very similar to this podcast, just really sharing what happened. I felt at the time when it happened, you know how you were saying,people only ever say it in hindsight. It felt really hard to share at the actual time because, I was literally wasn't running the same program as I am now, but I was running programs where I help people, , launch and grow their group programs. It was like I just did a big launch that did not do very well at all, and
I think for me [00:44:00] personally, and this probably taps back into the, high achieving, need to do well to be loved, issue that I have, the deep wound, is, it feels really hard to admit that I've failed or done something wrong in real time. And so to stop that comparison, it feels easier to just gloss over it and move on.
And then I think maybe something I do that most other people do is I will come back to it,
I will share. So I think people generally don't share their failures at all. will come back and share it in hindsight, but you know, you were talking about those series where people document it in real time.
Ruthie: Yeah
Sophie: it very hard to do one of those, I think
Ruthie: it's, it is so hard. I think,there's a thought I'm having in my business at the minute, and it's quite a big one, about how the future of my business might pan out. And I know it would be super useful to share it because I know other people are feeling it, other people are probably thinking about it, but it just feels too vulnerable
Sophie: to share it in case I end up with egg on my face.
Ruthie: In case , I don't end up doing it, because actually I [00:45:00] need the income. Or in case I don't end up sticking to what I've said I'm gonna do. And I think we're all living with that fear, and we're entitled to. we don't have to share every thought we've had. But when we're all holding back a little bit that we protect until we've reached safety, that's what I think people do with their stories of failure.
They will tell it once they feel safe enough to tell it. And God, they're completely entitled to live that way. We all are. Like, that's not a criticism. But what it does is when everyone's doing that, what it does in the online space is kind of secure this highlights reel that I'm only telling you the bad stories once they've turned good.
I'm only telling you the tough decisions once I've been proved right. Or, once I've replaced that income, and so I'm rich enough to be able to tell you about these terrible stories because I've got loads of reoccurring revenue, and I feel secure enough and safe enough to share it. So yeah, it's like I don't think anyone's doing it deliberately, but I think when you've got a lot of people making similar decisions, it creates a landscape [00:46:00] that is just really hard for lots of us to wade through and not feel comparison or jealousy or, wherever you land on that scale of being green-eyed
Sophie: Yeah
And I mean, we started this, when we were planning this, podcast, we started actually with a Jenna Kutcher post, didn't we, on how posted three or four days ago about how she's now, stepping back. She's working a lot less. She's really focusing on her health, and, she's been doing it and,she's been seeing how that's impacting her revenue et cetera. And, suddenly you're like, "Oh, okay, so what you're actually saying is the last few years there's been a lot you've... hiding is the wrong word, but a lot that you've not been sharing about, your health and how burnt out you feel and how hard this is and , how much pressure it is, and that sort of thing.
And now you're ready to talk about it 'cause you've taken a step back. Your revenue's actually okay. You've got it all aligned. then I look back at all of her stuff and think, "Oh, gosh, okay. So the last few years it's felt very different to you than maybe I perceived it felt to you."
Ruthie: Yeah
and it's hard when the goalposts seem to move as well, isn't it?. And I always marvel at this actually, is that you'll tell me people that are inspiring you, and I've never even [00:47:00] heard of them sometimes, despite we've been in similar spaces.
So everyone's got their own people that they look up to, and are inspired by, and are maybe following the processes of. And I find it quite hard when the goalposts move of the person that you've been looking up to. So it can seem like, oh yeah, no, they want the same as me. we're aligned. And then if they, which they're completely entitled to, let us say, like everyone's allowed to just live their own life, but when they pivot or change what's important to them and are saying, "Actually, I'm- focusing on something else now," you're like, it's a bit like, the rug's been pulled out from under you.
'Cause you're like, hang on, I thought we were both working towards like the same thing. I was chasing the same thing that you were, but you were just a few steps ahead." So it is hard when people say, "Oh, I'm completely changing everything." And I'm not saying that's what she said, but she was talking in the post, I went on and read the Substack, and it was like basically saying that she's seen a lot of women build their business to a certain point and then step back.
But what they tend to do is then disappear, and you don't ever get any more [00:48:00] because they just go offline and live their life, and power to them. and what she wanted to do was document it a bit so that people could see what , the next steps were, which is great. And that narrative is true.
You do have people that just disappear, and you're never quite sure, if they're living a great life or not, 'cause they stopped documenting it. But it is hard when people just flip reverse it on you, and you're like, "Oh, okay. then does that mean that my goals should change? If my goals were aligned with yours, and now you're saying that yours aligned somewhere else, does that mean mine are wrong?
Should I also be prioritizing my wellness?" But actually, what if I'm not in a financial position to suddenly, really invest time and energy in that 'cause I've still got a mortgage to pay or a loan to pay back or whatever it might be. So I think that can be really hard as well when you feel like the goalposts move, and the people that you've looked up to have changed direction.
That, I've found that hard with a number of people online, actually. I'm like, "Wait, what? Oh, now I've gotta find someone else."
Sophie: Yeah
Now I've gotta find a new person. And I also think the flip of that, is as your goals [00:49:00] evolve and things change and everything, and then the people you're following suddenly feel "Oh, I don't know if she does align with me quite so much anymore." I listened to,Amy Porterfield loads when I was starting the business and, building up. I think she's brilliant. I still think she's brilliant. I think she's, built up an incredible business. but I got to a point where I didn't really listen to her podcast anymore 'cause it just didn't, I don't know, just didn't click with me in the way that it did. And it wasn't really anything she did, it was just that I was just in a different space around what I wanted to be listening to or what I wanted to focus on. so yeah, I guess , it works both ways, doesn't it?
Ruthie: Yeah, and I suppose as well, I try and hold myself to account with this all the time, and I've talked about it with people I work with, of do you need to take a minute to re-curate your feed? 'cause sometimes we do it naturally. when I was pregnant, my entire feed was pregnancy-related, 'cause I wanted to know about people's nurseries, what they were buying, all that sort of stuff.
And then very quickly that became completely irrelevant to me, and so I was unfollowing. I think what's sneaky squirrels about the [00:50:00] online business space is, it's not an obvious switch. And so sometimes you can find yourself following people that you used to align with, you haven't necessarily noticed that you don't, and then them feeding into your day-to-day narrative can actually start to be quite, I don't wanna say toxic, 'cause I don't think it's always dramatic, but but it, can start to make you feel out of alignment with your own business.
And so I do think one of the good things to do, semi-regularly, is to check in with your feed and be like, do I need to, with love, stop following some people because it doesn't feel aligned anymore, it doesn't feel good. That's not what I want to be hearing." And just trying to curate the right people so that it feeds you in a positive way.
And I think just noticing the difference between is that person a proof it's possible, or actually are they winding me up? You can't do it perfectly, 'cause obviously with suggested content being so prevalent in our feeds now, sometimes you're just getting served stuff that you're like, taking the time to say, "Not interested," can just remove that sort of content.
I do think it's worthwhile doing, 'cause you can curate a feed that feels good, [00:51:00] and make sure that it's filled with people who are feeling inspiring rather than,
Sophie: Yeah triggering. exactly. I often will, mute people if I'm just finding that their content, if it has, comes up a few times and I just feel like, "Oh," , it's just triggering me a bit. And , like you say, it doesn't feel that positive, , proof it's possible. It feels like, "Oh, this just doesn't feel very good or aligned," then I will just mute them for a bit and like you say, just then find other people who I do wanna see more of. But yeah, it's definitely worth doing regularly because you're right, it's not such a clear season. at the moment, all my feed is, house renovations and stuff because we're about to move house. and then once we've kinda done what we wanna do, that will, very clearly drift away
Ruthie: Yeah
Sophie: won't need it anymore.
Whereas you're right, with business it doesn't feel that obvious and specific in the same way.
Ruthie: And it's hard to be self-conscious enough and self-aware enough to be like, "Hang on, is that my goal?"
Is that actually how I'm feeling? Or am I starting to absorb the stuff that I'm seeing in my feed?"
Sophie: and I'm definitely better at it in my [00:52:00] personal feed. If I'm like, "Hang on, this is starting to make me feel like I've not..."
Ruthie: One of the ones in my personal feed that is terrible is it can give me a real case of the spendies. I will see clothes, if I've got too much clothes content, I will feel, despite loving it, I start to feel like I need to buy stuff all of the time. I am on everyone's bloody LTK or whatever it's called, and I need to, I need to dopamine dress.
I need to bring more color into my life. I need more barrel trousers." And I'm like, I can feel that impulsion. And so sometimes I have to be like, I need to just for now unfollow," and I'll go and deliberately like some other stuff so that, my feed changes based on what I've been interacting with so that I can pull it back a little bit.
'Cause otherwise I can feel myself thinking I need to buy so much stuff all of the time. and recently I've gone on a bit of , a hunt to try and find, people who are good with money, people who are budgeting. so I've gone on a bit of a hunt to like those out and start engaging with that content to try and pull more of that into my feed, 'cause I feel that's healthier for me than me [00:53:00] wanting to, constantly go and buy stuff
Sophie: Yeah, I feel like that's a nice positive way to end. , We went nice and deep today.
Ruthie: Mean
Sophie: to our heads. , I think a lot of people will resonate though. I think these are the kind of conversations we really wanted to have because I don't think, they don't happen very often
Ruthie: And I think also, there's so much content already out there about, if you do this, and this, you can get this outcome, or this is me explaining how I did this, and this. That's there, and it's useful, and we need it. But I think so many of us are working on little islands, and just having a place to come and listen to, like, a bit of reality of, what's going on and how people are feeling and, 'cause business isn't just all about the deliverables.
We do, have episodes that are focused on that. But also, so much of it is around the experience of it, isn't it? that makes it hard. it's not just the doing, it's , the feeling that goes alongside it. So yeah,
Sophie: Yeah,
Ruthie: I enjoyed that episode. We did go deeper than I thought, but
Sophie: Yeah, me too. That wasn't in our plan, but I liked him. I'm here for him.
Ruthie: We take
Sophie: Okay, amazing. I hope you guys have a lovely day, and we will see you again next [00:54:00] week
Ruthie: Bye, everybody
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